woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
