Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
