Your mouth is God's brothel.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Two words: blizzard sex
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