I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
