I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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