We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
