My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
