I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
false alarm, still single
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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