I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
