I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
