I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
