every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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