I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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