id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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