He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
