im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
