i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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