Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
