i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
