Moan for me like Helen Keller
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
