In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
