hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
