shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
