just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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