I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
