at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
