you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize