So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
