at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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