so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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