i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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