New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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