everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
