Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
