I think im going to throw up on grandma
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
