I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
