I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
