He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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