So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
