I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
