You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
