4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
