never play flip cup with pint glasses
She announced her abortion via fbk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
