you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
