How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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