Apparently you make a good broom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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