so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
