There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
