Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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