My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
