You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
