I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
