You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
