i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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