I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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