I've blown a few things in my day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
