They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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