..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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