I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
