; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
