were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.