Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it