I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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