Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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